Hey Lady, Mike Brown's Corner Won't Hesitate To Elbow Hecklers

Mike Brown retained his WEC title Sunday night against Urijah Faber, but the best strike was thrown during Brown's cage entrance. A guy, apparently charged with the prestigious task of walking behind Mike Brown while holding up his title, took exception with a woman wildly screaming at the champ. Cue up the vicious elbow.



See what happens when you get drunk and lippy, ladies? There's always going to be a guy at the party waiting to give you a shot to the face. While I in no way encourage jackass on female violence, I did have to watch that several dozen times strictly for analytical purposes. Yep, it was an elbow.

The Tommy Hanson Wrap-Up

I'm not even going to pretend like this will be a good post. The sun, booze, and Varsity certainly took its toll on me. I knew there was a reason I avoided leaving the house. Anyway, I promised a recap of Tommy Hanson's major league debut...

He took a no-hitter into the fourth inning before the wheels started to come off. The kid definitely has some nasty stuff and a long major league career ahead of him. Unfortunately (for my fantasy team), he got lit up to the tune of six earned runs over six innings. Also unfortunately, that's pretty much all I got. I'm fairly confident I don't have a beat writing career in my future.

The Tommy Hanson Debut

Pitching phenom Tommy Hanson will make his first major league start for the Braves today against the Brewers and I'm going to leave the friendly confines of my basement to actually go watch it. I know, it's a daring mission. With any luck, I should be able to drunkenly mash on my keyboard enough to pound out some 70 proof analysis of the debut later tonight.

Free Fighting (Showtime Subscription Required)!

Strikeforce comes at us live tonight on Showtime and it's packing a punch. Ba dump pshhh! Consider this my make-up fighting post after ignoring the Kimbo Slice to "The Ultimate Fighter 10" news. I'm kind of disappointed they didn't get Bobby Lashley to sign on too. It's going to be huge ratings anyway. Back to tonight. Jake Shields fights Robby Lawler in the main event and, I gotta tell you, I'm pretty excited about it.

After my unimpressive gambling performance earlier today, I feel I'm due for a big win. So here are my winners in my Russian Roulette Strikeforce bets: Phil Baroni, Kevin Randleman, Andrei Arlovski, Nick Diaz, and Jake Shields. Oooh, that five way parlay is going to payoff huge!

Can Borel Be Stopped?

Calvin Borel will try to become the first jockey to win the Triple Crown races on different horses when he retakes the mount of Mine That Bird later today at the Belmont. Borel won the Kentucky Derby with Mine That Bird and then switched over to Rachel Alexandra to win the Preakness. The owners of Rachel Alexandra are sitting the filly out of the Belmont, I assume, to get her some rest before hooking her up with Curlin to pop out some super horses. Getting paid to procreate seems like a pretty sweet gig until you watch Jon and Kate Plus 8. I really hate those people.

In what should be a surefire jinx, I actually have Mine That Bird in my exacta box. This will be the first time I'm putting any money on the Belmont favorite which should more or less doom the horse to a sixth place finish. If you're keeping track at home, I also have Dunkirk and Miner's Escape to go along with Mine That Bird in my attempt to throw away cash as quick as possible.

Kobe Continues To Make Me Look Bad

Kobe Bryant went 40-8-8 in last night's throttling of the Magic in game one of the NBA Finals. This is especially disconcerting for me since I live in a pro-Kobe household and have been championing LeBron as the best player in the NBA for years. Look at the VORP! Anyway, the Lakers crushed the Magic and, along with the Penguins, completely destroyed my Finals parlay. Which just goes to show that I have almost no grasp on sports betting. I would have been better off just having monkeys throwing darts. Hey, that's a good idea for a blog.

Shogun May Get First Shot

MMA Junkie is reporting that Mauricio "Shogun" Rua has signed on to fight newly crowned UFC Light Heavyweight Champ Lyoto Machida. I decided to go ahead and start a new post instead of adding this to my Rampage update post fiasco from yesterday. *shakes fist at conflicting reports* MMA Junkie hasn't been able to confirm this report with Machida's camp yet, but who are we to argue with a website written in Portuguese?

I guess Shogun makes sense coming off of a first round TKO of a washed up Chuck Liddell. Shogun has been a big disappointment since coming over from Pride with an impressive resume. In his defense, Rua did have a pair of knee surgeries and accumulated quite a bit of ring (Octagon?) rust.

If the report is true, the Machida vs. Rua fight will probably take place in Los Angeles on October 24.

Rampage To Coach Against Evans In TUF 10

Rampage Jackson will coach "The Ultimate Fighter 10" but his opposing coach will be Rashad Evans instead of Lyoto Machida. Rampage is next in line for a shot at the UFC Light Heavyweight Title which now belongs to Lyoto Machida fresh off of his second round decimation of Evans. (Can't seem to find links to our preview or wrap-up. That's it, someone is getting fired!) The obvious speculation was that Machida would be the opposing coach, but his grasp of English isn't as good as Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira's and Minotauro had to be subtitled for much of his coaching stint on TUF.

Machida was open to the idea of coaching, especially if it was a team of Brazilian fighters in a country versus country season similar to TUF 9. I would have been thrilled to watch a Brazil vs. USA season, but the UFC apparently decided to go with a subtitle free season. Which, I assume, is because Dana White doesn't think any of you mother effers can read.


[MMA Junkie]

UPDATE: The duo will just coach heavyweights and there will only be 16 fighters instead of 32. So no fight your way into the house.

UPDATE II: Apparently, Rampage has turned down the title fight with Machida for the coaching job and fight with Rashad Evans.

Jackson will get his wish though. Despite being next in line for a shot at the new champ, Jackson has instead opted for a late-2009 fight with Evans, which will be preceded by a six week coaching stint with his rival on the tenth season of The Ultimate Fighter.

See? Confident or not, that is still a significant risk for Rampage. I'm not sure who will get the first shot at Machida. The Forrest Griffin vs. Anderson Silva winner makes sense. But if Spider wins, he would likely go back down to 185 instead of fighting his close friend Machida. Interesting. Stay tuned.

[UFC]

Matt Wieters Is Coming!

The best prospect in minor league baseball will debut on Friday for Baltimore. The switch hitting catcher was only hitting .285/.367/.482 in Triple A, but Wieters has really turned it up as of late. This should be the official signal that the Super Two player time has passed.

Wieters should be the Orioles' everyday catcher and should have an impact right away. Fantasy players and prospect nerds already know plenty about the catcher and, unfortunately, we are both of those things. So, we're pretty excited that Super Two season is over and teams can call up their top prospects without fear of an early arbitration year. That's right Tommy Hanson, you're up next.

Pool Party 1, Jeremy Shockey 0

Jeremy Shockey is spending some of his offseason at Rehab. Um, Rehab the Pool Party at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas. Unfortunately for Shockey and skeptical Saints fans, the party over the weekend got the best of the tight end and knocked him unconscious. Shockey was stretchered out around 2 P.M. and taken to the hospital to be treated for dehydration.

To be honest, I'm disappointed in the underachieving tight end. It's bad enough that he is injury prone and didn't catch a touchdown last season, but he can't even make it past 2 P.M. at a pool party?

I hope you were still up from the night before or you got some splainin to do.

[more pics at TMZ]

MNF Booth Just Got A Whole Lot Grudener

Love him or hate him, Tony Kornheiser has decided to step down from the Monday Night Football broadcasting booth. Jon Gruden has been tabbed to replace Kornheiser and hopefully bring his fiery temper with him to the booth.

I used to love PTI and still catch it occasionally, but TK on Monday Night just never seemed to work for me. His humor often felt forced and out of place. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't Dennis Miller bad. I guess I just expected a better fit when it was first announced Kornheiser would join the broadcast. As for Gruden, I don't know. He's actually shown hints of a good personality before, but I'll remain skeptical until I see it. I'm told I always have to be skeptical or they'll revoke my blogger card. Oh, and negative. Always negative.

Speed Rules, Can Rachel Alexandra?

All indications point toward today's Preakness being a fast track. That could bode well for the filly, Rachel Alexandra, when she takes on some of the big boys later today in the second leg of horse racing's Triple Crown. The early betting lines have Rachel as the prohibitive favorite at 3-2. Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird is a co-second favorite at 7-1 along with Derby runner Pioneerof The Nile. Mine That Bird, however, will be without his Kentucky Derby jockey. Calvin Borel jumped horses and decided to ride Rachel Alexandra once she was entered into the Preakness. Borel also rode Rachel to an impressive win in the Kentucky Oaks the day before the Derby.

If speed does hold up today, Rachel Alexandra, Friesan Fire, and Big Drama all seem to have the goods to pull off a victory. But if the Derby taught us anything, it's that handicapping is useless and we should all just get a hot chick to pick out a horse by its name.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for horse racing. MTD has an exacta box with Friesan Fire, Papa Clem, and Rachel Alexandra. Why do I get the feeling I should have just spent that money on booze? Or betting on the Preakness Urinal Run?

Megan Fox Is A Switch Hitter

Megan Fox loves the ladies and I thought I'd have a hard time turning this into a sports post. Nope, look what a little determination can do. I was Googling Olivia Wilde for this post when I ran into this article.

“I have no question in my mind about being bisexual,” says Fox in next month’s Esquire. “I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl – Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.”

And bam! It's a sports post. A baseball reference in the title and ox fighting in the blockquote. Okay maybe this isn't getting picked up by ESPN, but I have an excuse to post some Megan Fox.

By the way, ox strangling is the official sport of Papua New Guinea.[citation needed]

[pic from GQ]

Site News

Yep, two weeks into May and this is the first post. And while we're being honest, I didn't really rock out April either. So far in May, I've had to attend a funeral in New Orleans and a wedding in Destin, not exactly close to the ole Atlanta home office. I tried to get some fill in writers but they balked when I suggested they pay me for the opportunity. Don't fear, I should be back to writing about Lingerie Football soon enough.

In the meantime, here's a pic of Olivia Wilde. She was just named No. 1 in Maxim's Hot 100 list. I enjoyed her in the short lived The Black Donnellys.

[pic from Olivia Wilde Source]