MNF Booth Just Got A Whole Lot Grudener

Love him or hate him, Tony Kornheiser has decided to step down from the Monday Night Football broadcasting booth. Jon Gruden has been tabbed to replace Kornheiser and hopefully bring his fiery temper with him to the booth.

I used to love PTI and still catch it occasionally, but TK on Monday Night just never seemed to work for me. His humor often felt forced and out of place. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't Dennis Miller bad. I guess I just expected a better fit when it was first announced Kornheiser would join the broadcast. As for Gruden, I don't know. He's actually shown hints of a good personality before, but I'll remain skeptical until I see it. I'm told I always have to be skeptical or they'll revoke my blogger card. Oh, and negative. Always negative.

Speed Rules, Can Rachel Alexandra?

All indications point toward today's Preakness being a fast track. That could bode well for the filly, Rachel Alexandra, when she takes on some of the big boys later today in the second leg of horse racing's Triple Crown. The early betting lines have Rachel as the prohibitive favorite at 3-2. Kentucky Derby winner Mine That Bird is a co-second favorite at 7-1 along with Derby runner Pioneerof The Nile. Mine That Bird, however, will be without his Kentucky Derby jockey. Calvin Borel jumped horses and decided to ride Rachel Alexandra once she was entered into the Preakness. Borel also rode Rachel to an impressive win in the Kentucky Oaks the day before the Derby.

If speed does hold up today, Rachel Alexandra, Friesan Fire, and Big Drama all seem to have the goods to pull off a victory. But if the Derby taught us anything, it's that handicapping is useless and we should all just get a hot chick to pick out a horse by its name.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for horse racing. MTD has an exacta box with Friesan Fire, Papa Clem, and Rachel Alexandra. Why do I get the feeling I should have just spent that money on booze? Or betting on the Preakness Urinal Run?

Megan Fox Is A Switch Hitter

Megan Fox loves the ladies and I thought I'd have a hard time turning this into a sports post. Nope, look what a little determination can do. I was Googling Olivia Wilde for this post when I ran into this article.

“I have no question in my mind about being bisexual,” says Fox in next month’s Esquire. “I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl – Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.”

And bam! It's a sports post. A baseball reference in the title and ox fighting in the blockquote. Okay maybe this isn't getting picked up by ESPN, but I have an excuse to post some Megan Fox.

By the way, ox strangling is the official sport of Papua New Guinea.[citation needed]

[pic from GQ]

Site News

Yep, two weeks into May and this is the first post. And while we're being honest, I didn't really rock out April either. So far in May, I've had to attend a funeral in New Orleans and a wedding in Destin, not exactly close to the ole Atlanta home office. I tried to get some fill in writers but they balked when I suggested they pay me for the opportunity. Don't fear, I should be back to writing about Lingerie Football soon enough.

In the meantime, here's a pic of Olivia Wilde. She was just named No. 1 in Maxim's Hot 100 list. I enjoyed her in the short lived The Black Donnellys.

[pic from Olivia Wilde Source]

New Orleans To Keep The Saints

Well, well, well. The Saints (Tom Benson) have agreed to a new Superdome lease that will keep the Saints in New Orleans through the 2025 season. The state will pay the Saints $6 million per season down from the previously agreed to $23.5 million. Did Benson have a stroke? Possibly. But, if you read through the new conditions, Benson is getting all kinds of new concessions. I didn't have time to read the whole article, but I assume any car bought in Louisiana has to be purchased at one of his dealerships and he gets czar like rule over a parish of his choosing.

Wow. Another 17 years in the Superdome? Just going to keep pumping money into that thing, huh? I don't really care since I don't live in New Orleans and I have HD, but damn, that thing is going to be a dump by 2010.

Being a huge fan, this news is pretty exciting. My liver, however, is still rooting for the Saints to fold.

Stiggity Mock

Here is MTD's Draft Guru's Mock Draft. Stiggs is a sometimes contributer to whatever we do here. I didn't have time for the edit, but enjoy or mock. Check us out on Twitter.

2009 Stiggity's NFL Mock Draft
by Stiggity Esteban

1. DET- QB Matthew Stafford
The Lions obviously didn't want to repeat back to back 0-16 seasons, so they turned the page and signed Stafford. Stafford has played against elite SEC teams and in 29 starts he's 27-7. He also gets to throw to red zone nightmare Calvin Johnson which.

2. STL- OT Jason Smith
With the departure of Orlando Pace, the Rams have desperate need of a left tackle. The Rams need to justify signing Bulger to 65 million especially since he's been hurt the last two seasons due to poor offensive line play. Smith was a four year starter at Baylor and has experience playing both tackle positions.

3. KC- DE Tyson Jackson
The Chiefs were one of the worst defenses last season and Scott Pioli understands the importance of building defensive lines. The addition of Jackson will more than help Glenn Dorsey.

5. CLE- OLB- Aaron Curry
The Browns clearly need more playmakers on defense and will be ecstatic that Curry falls to them. Curry will emerge into a phenomenal NFL talent and be cornerstone for the Browns defense for years to come.


6. CIN- OT Andre Smith
The Bengals offensive line surrendered 51 sacks(3rd most in NFL) not mention they seem to be a magnet for players with character issues. Smith's talent is undeniable but he needs to keep his weight down.



7. OAK- WR Michael Crabtree
I have a gut feeling Al might get this pick for a change. Crabtree may not have the fastest 40 time but he runs good routes and excels in yards after the catch. This should help JaMarcus Russell considerably in passing game and especially in the red zone.



8. JAX- WR Jeremy Maclin
Offensive coordinator Dirk Koetter gets another speedy receiver to compliment Torry Holt. Maclin will be great in the return game and Holt will provide a mentor him well.

9. GB- DT B.J. Raji
Dom Capers is the new defense coordinator for the Pack and transitioning to a 3-4 defense won't be easy. Raji is a prototypical 3-4 nosetackle and has great potential if he can handle himself off the field.



10- SF- QB Mark Sanchez
Call me crazy but I wouldn't be the least bit suprised if Sanchez falls here. I can't imagine Singletary being serious about keeping his job with Alex Smith or Shaun Hill at quarterback. Eventually Sanchez will turn things around in San Fran.

11. BUF- OT Michael Oher
Trent Edwards needs someone to protect his blindside and Oher will be Jason Peters replacement.

12. DEN - DE Robert Ayers
The Bronco are rebuilding on defense and Ayers will be a key building block for the 3-4.

13. WASH - DE Brian Orakpo
The Skins get lucky here and Orakpo falls in their lap. Phillip Daniels is 31 and playing Eli Manning, Donovan McNabb, and Tony Romo twice a year can't be easy on any pass rush.

14. NO - S Malcolm Jenkins
The Saints will get a top notch safety to help their porous pass defense.


15. HOU - OLB Brian Cushing
The Texans get a much needed boost on defense.

16. SD - ILB Rey Maualuga
Maualuga will add some life on defense and will help Merriman out.


17. NYJ- QB Josh Freeman
The Jets will gladly settle for Freeman here.

[Ed. I assume someone is picking at 18, so we take Beanie here. I'm firing my Draft Guru]

19. TB - DT Peria Jerry
The Bucs need to get younger at defensive tackle.

20. DET- OT William Beatty
The Lions offensive were pathetic last year and need to protect their top overall pick Matt Stafford.

21. PHI - RB Knowshon Moreno
Brian Westbrook injuries have taken it toll on his body but Moreno will preserve him a little longer. Moreno catches well out of the backfield and will make an immediate impact in the running game

22. MIN - WR Percy Harvin
Harvin is a dynamic playmaker and will add a new dimension to the Vikings passing attack.

23. NE - RB James Laurenitis

24. ATL - ILB Clay Matthews
With Michael Boley and Keith Brooking gone the Falcons needs some help at linebacker.

25. MIA - DB Vontae Davis
Davis has great man to man coverage skills something the Fins are deficient in.

26. BAL WR- Darius Heyward-Bey
Flacco will get some much needed help at receiver.

27. IND - WR Brian Robiskie
Anthony Gonzalez is too inconsistent catching the ball to be a reliable # 2 receiver, he's better off playing in the slot. Robiskie gives Peyton another redzone target and will develop into a solid receiver.

28. BUF- DE Michael Johnson
The Bills will gamble with this pick or Johnson will make every team that passed on him sorry.

29. NYG -WR Kenny Britt

30. TEN - DB Alphonso Smith
Clearly has a knack for being around the ball finishing his career with 21 interceptions at Wake Forest.

31. ARI- RB Donald Brown
The Cards were abysmal running the football and finished were last in the league. Getting Brown here is quite a gift here especially because he possesses good work ethic and will suprise some people in the NFL.

32. PIT- C Alex Mack
The Steelers need some youth on the offensive line Mack can play any position needed.

Mnkys Thrwng Drts On Twitter

Okay, I'm giving Twitter a shot. As long as everyone else is jumping off the bridge... Those jerks couldn't afford enough characters for us to have Monkeys Throwing Darts, so we're @ MnkysThrwngDrts. Yep. It's just like the blog but crappier, drunker, and missing vowels.

Follows us soon, because this might be for a limited time only. We hate new stuff.

The Curious Rise Of Tyson Jackson

Look, I'm an LSU homer, but I can't even really figure this one out. Tyson Jackson would have been a first round draft pick after his junior year, but he returned for a disappointing senior season. Still a projected first rounder, the defensive end appeared to be a late teens early twenties pick. Then Denver started to show interest at twelve. And all of a sudden Tyson Jackson is the prototypical five-technique for 3-4. Todd McShay* now has Tyson at 3 to Kansas City as well as Mel Kiper.

*Yeah, I'm stealing this aside bit from JoePo. I watched McShay on Mike and Mike all week and they basically had listeners write in questions as long as they ripped McShay. They were all short jokes or how McShay is Kiper's bitch. Why are these giggling assholes so popular? You're driving me insane ESPN.

To me, Tyson seems like a safe pick but not a franchise type of player. I mean, he wasn't a great pass rusher at LSU. Top three? I have no idea how this draft is going to shake out. Luckily, I have my NFL draft guru finishing his final mock for us. It's up soon and you can follow us following the draft on Twitter.

Stephen Curry Declares For Draft: Madness Ensues

The sharp-shooting guard Stephen Curry announced his decision to forgo his senior year at Davidson and enter the NBA draft. Curry is widely believed to be a lottery pick in a seemingly weak draft and rumors have swirled about the Knicks being in love with the kid. But does their love rival that of The Big Lead's? I think not. TBL's obsession will just move to the NBA level and he has already declared devotion for the team that drafts Curry.

But wait, it gets even more ridiculous. I was watching First Take and, surprisingly, that isn't the ridiculous part. Skip Bayless (famous for being obnoxious)and Scoop Jackson (famous, I assume, for rhyming with poop) both argued for Curry to be the second overall pick in the draft. Huh? Okay, maybe they just missed the news that Ricky Rubio will enter the draft. Or perhaps, this is the final warning that First Take is going to give me brain damage. Honestly, it's like a car wreck. I try not to watch it, but the sports, they're just so mangled.

Atlanta Has Lost Its Steam

The Atlanta Steam of the Lingerie Football League has officially been relocated to Charlotte. I actually found out last week, but I was waiting for confirmation. They were unable to find a find a venue, which is just shocking following the cancellation of the last two Lingerie Bowls. From what I was able to gather, The Arena in Gwinnett and the Georgia Dome turned them down. I learned of the Charlotte move before I was able to complete my backyard bleachers and submit a proposal.

I was also informed in an email that "the league is going through a lot of transition right now." Well, that sounds promising. This whole Lingerie Football thing is starting to sound more and more like it's organized by a bunch of drunk guys. It sounds like a great idea until you have to plan or pay for anything.

Not only does this crush my dream of being their official blogger, but I can no longer tell those beer models that I can get them a sweet gig and actually mean something that's in the same ballpark as modeling. Thanks Gwinnett.

[I don't think there are any official links yet. Most of my info came from a P.R. firm that organized tryouts, like the one I covered. Relocation is mentioned on their Twitter.]

The Story Of USC Song Girls And Bikinis

So, the Song Girls bikinied up and hit the water for Swim With Mike. I don't know what that is and didn't bother to read up on it. We linked to it anyway and it ends in .org so I think that counts for us doing charity work. Unless you managed to avoid the blogosphere today, you've probably already seen the pics but we felt like we'd be betraying the Interwebs if we didn't post anything.

I was drawn to this photo for some reason. Is it because I'm dying to know what's going on to her left? Yep, that's gotta be it.

[galleries at Busted Coverage and Fan IQ]

Ovie Busted For Spying

Alex Ovechkin was tossed out of a Rangers practice Monday morning. Apparently the Rangers don't just let opposing players sit in on their practices. Typical uptight New Yorkers. Okay, here's the excuse.

"Alex was just looking for a place to relax. He likes being by the ice," Ewell said. "As soon as he found out it made the Rangers uncomfortable, he left."

This actually doesn't surprise me much at all. I'm pretty sure Ovie lives in his own world and it looks like a lot of fun. Or suicidal. In this video, Ovie almost kills himself driving a utility cart.



Hopefully, Ovechkin picked something up during his stay at the practice because the Capitals trail the Rangers two games to none. And that concludes our NHL Playoff coverage until June.

NOTY Finals

After a grueling tournament, the 64 has been whittled down to the final pairing for the 2009 Name of The Year. We actually have a rooting interest in this year's competition. It all comes down to number one seeded Iris Macadangdang and a four seed in Barkevious Mingo. Obviously our allegiance lies with Barkevious Mingo since he is a four star recruit for LSU's 2009 class. And hey, we're nothing if not shameless homers. Mingo does seem to have the momentum after steamrolling his competition on his way to the finals. Plus there is a big Mingovian movement over at Every Day Should Be Saturday. But, we'll try to do our part and remind you to go vote Mingo for Name of The Year. Hopefully, this will end better than our Ashley Russell campaign for Sexiest Sportscaster. Yep, that one still bothers me a little.

[Name Of The Year and EDSBS]

UFC 97: “The Iceman Cometh…..and Goeth Out Very Quickly”

Hey look, just as I pseudo promised, here's a write up of last night's UFC. Our picks were once again horrid. I don't know why we even try anymore. Anywho, this recap is brought to you by Frakin Show.

Last night the UFC hosted its monthly program “Redemption” (?) from Ontario, Canada. First off, does anybody else feel old hearing the title “UFC 97”? I mean “97”??? In just two decades the UFC has now put together more programs than Superbowl, Wrestlemanias, and Lingerie Bowls combined, making me feel like a true dinosaur.

Billed as the “co-main event” of the evening was the return of the “Iceman” Chuck Lidell vs. Mauricio Shogun Rua. You may remember Chuck from his performances on Entourage, Bachelor Party Vegas, and the World Poker Tour. Oh yeah, he also used to be a champion apparently. Hoping to bounce back after his recent defeat to the “Dean of Mean”, Chuck seemed to be a crowd favorite. Unfortunately, the crowd didn’t have the opportunity to cheer him for that long because after a first round of some heavy haymakers, Chuck went down just like the Yankees did to the Indians. One quick overhand right with 34 seconds in the first round melted the Iceman to the mat. Blink and you would have missed it…just like it I did. Will this be the last we hear of Chuck, besides straight to video DVDs, HBO programming, and reality TV? Hopefully, there’s a future in commentating planned cause his mixed martial arts career is rumored to be O-V-E-R. Don’t worry, Chuck, your gut could still kick my ass!

After a quick filler match to make up for the lack of action in the co-main event, we moved on to the main course of Anderson “The Spider” Silva versus (First Name)[Ed. I know his name, but I thought this was funnier] Thales. This match could be summed up by 25 minutes of posturing as neither fighter really threw a punch. The crowd was the only really entertaining part of this fight and they let us know it with continuous booing, chants for George St. Pierre, and of course my favorite, crying “Bullshit!” Doesn’t anybody bring unripe tomatoes to an event anymore? Oh yeah, did I mention that the ref missed an obvious eye poke (Whoooooo!) and the second round ended ten seconds early? Man, had I kicked in for this pay per view I would have been pissed! The Spider inevitably won this after 5 long drawn out, boring rounds in a clear cut decision.

So what did we learn last night exactly? Apparently London is in Ontario, Canada. Also, according to Joe Rogan, “The Spider” hasn’t had anyone attempt a submission on him in like four years which seems amazing because surely anyone who has fought him recently had to at least had some ideas in mind. Hell, I’ve attempted three submissions on my girlfriend this morning! And lastly, my friends can drink a whole heck of a lot when there is a fighting on the tube. Long live the UFC…and I can’t wait for a few more years when the UFC reaches its 3000th pay per view.

There you go folks. Finally someone interrupts my bullshit with an actual article. Welcome aboard Frakin Show, I'll show you where to get Eastern Motors commercials soon.

Chuck Liddell On Ice?

After a first round TKO delivered from a rejuvenated Shogun Rua, MMA Czar Dana White has declared Chuck Liddell retired. Chuck suffered his third knockout in a five fight span and his longtime friend Dana White thinks enough is enough.

"He's a huge superstar, and we could still sell lots of tickets (with Liddell)," White said. "But I don't care about that. I care about him. I care about his health, and it's over, man. It's over."

It wasn't pretty and Chuck has certainly lost his A-game. But, I find it hard to believe that the UFC won't cash back in on Liddell if another high profile match up presents itself.

And, while we're on Chuck, here is a pic of his exgirlfriend Willa Ford. Hey, we also might have a new writer wrapping up last night's main events. Look at us trying to do shit!