Wednesday, November 25, 2009

PETA Suggests New Cuddly Robot Bulldog For UGA

PETA is continuing their mission to save the animal world one asinine project at a time after Uga VII recently passed away. The University of Georgia has been using, get this, actual bulldogs as their mascot since 1956. Outrageous! How dare you put a dog in a jersey and make it run out and then sit on the plush grass of a football field? You monsters! There must be a better way. What's that PETA? An animatronic dog? Genius! Here's the actual email PETA sent to UGA Athletic Director Damon Evans...
In the wake of the untimely death of the University of Georgia's (UGA) bulldog mascot, Uga VII, PETA has asked the school's athletic director, Damon M. Evans, to replace the mascot with an animatronic dog--or to rely solely on a costumed mascot--instead of using another real bulldog. Bulldogs are prone to breathing difficulties, hip dysplasia, heart disorders, and other congenital ailments, and acquiring a dog from a breeder perpetuates the animal overpopulation crisis while causing another dog waiting in an animal shelter to be condemned to death.

"It is time for the university to put an end to the cycle of suffering endured by dogs who are brought into the world solely to represent the school's 'brand'," says PETA Assistant Director Kristie Phelps. "By choosing a humane alternative to the use of live animals as school mascots, UGA can show that compassion always wins."
I'd like to give PETA props here. When they formed their club and put bat-shit crazy on their mission statement, they really stuck with it. Secondly, that dog probably has both a better living and working environment than me. Also, all of the Ugas come from the same family. Which, I assume, PETA thinks is UGA's own personal bulldog factory. Anyway, it'll blow over. PETA pulls the same thing anytime a tiger dies at LSU or a buffalo is killed by settlers in Colorado.

Okay PETA, tell me more about this robo-bulldog. Does it double as vacuum cleaner to provide faster, smarter ways to get dirty jobs done? If so, how does it differ from Cleaning Cat?

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