Cleveland Indians Returning To "Major League" Days

Cleveland Indians President/Owner's son, Paul Dolan, met with reporters before today's game to give a state of the team address. If my dad was just a bit more billionaire, I could be running a major sports franchise into the ground too. I don't think anyone doubts my ability. Anyway, Dolan mentioned that the Indians are set to lose $16 million even after the trades and revue sharing. Other topics included...

• Projected attendance is now 1.7 million down from 2.2 million


• There are no plans to sell the team


• Ownership will be involved if a decision is made to replace Eric Wedge


• They must make improvements in acquiring and developing amateur players (playing better and winning may also be looked at)


• Dolan expects attendance to go down next season after the trades of Victor Martinez and Cliff Lee. Also, fans are not happy about the trades. (because, you know, fans generally enjoy watching good players)

The Indians are only 11.5 games out of first in the Central. Once the players realize that the Dolans are purposely trying to make the Indians bad so attendance will continue plummet in order to move the team to Florida, the players will rally together and make a run at the pennant.

The beaten down, veteran catcher (Kelly Shoppach) will get the flame throwing closer with a troubled past (Kerry Wood) to reach dominance. The vain shortstop (Jhonny Peralta) will sacrifice his body to field grounders. The speedy, slick fielding centerfielder (Grady Sizemore) will slay vampires with Samurai swords. The power hitting foreigner (Shin-Shoo Choo) will not only be the spokesman for Allstate insurance, but he will become the President of the United States.

See Cleveland, it's not so bad. Besides, you're not Detroit.